living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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