Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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