She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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