Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
