I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
