Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
