Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
