i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
