I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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