Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
