Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
