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my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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