For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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