i don't like sucking hair
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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