I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
