I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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