That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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