i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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