that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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