im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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