How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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