is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
