Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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