well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
