I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
