Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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