i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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