I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize