every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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