I want to make a zoo with you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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