Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
