Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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