Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
