I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
