Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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