Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
