Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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