the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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