I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
