I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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