you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
