Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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