I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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