Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
