Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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