DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
