I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
