i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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