you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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