when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
