You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
