I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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