yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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