So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
