I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
