He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
