i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
