every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
