maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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