Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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