i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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