i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
