i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
