Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
