I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
