Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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