tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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