I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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