Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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