New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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