I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My penis needs a shock collar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
