Will you blow on my dice?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize