mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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