I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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