The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
