my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
