I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
