Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize