is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm getting married
To pizza
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm really busy with my period
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