dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
only if we run a train.
done.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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